Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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