You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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