you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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