New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
