Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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