I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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