Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
