I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
