when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
