got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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