The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
