hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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