What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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