I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
