I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i think my cat just said my name.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
