I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
