just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
