very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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