Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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