Can i not drive my cunt home
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
