Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
