This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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