I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
