So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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