I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We had to coat check the pizza.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
