I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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