This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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