and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
