we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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