It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
