You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
