You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
