On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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