I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
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porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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