I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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