You just made me feel so damn special
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize