im about as happy as oj after his trial
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
