I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
