I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
