as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
