Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
