i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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