i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
