i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
