the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
