My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
