come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
