I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
