i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
