And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
