6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
