Only a mothe r could love this liver
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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