when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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