Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
