Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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