No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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