I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
