Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize