She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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