I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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