Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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