That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
