Will you blow on my dice?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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