dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
