Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
