I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
