I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Randomize