Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My pussy is not your playground.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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