Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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