He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
