If i come over, it means nothing
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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