Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
