Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
