It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
