Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
