Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
