At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
