I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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