She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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