Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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