Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
