careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
