I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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