he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
