Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
